Rewiring in Midlife: Moving, Connecting, and Finding Your Mental Balance

You're standing in your kitchen, wondering, "Why do I feel so on edge lately?" One moment you're fine, the next you're crying — not sad exactly, just... overwhelmed. Or you're lying awake at 3am, thoughts spinning, wondering when you started feeling so unlike yourself. Maybe you've snapped at someone you love, or felt nothing at all when you expected to feel joy.

If any of this sounds familiar, you're not alone. It's not "just in your head" — your brain and body are literally recalibrating. The years between your late 30s and 60 are a time of incredible transformation. Under the surface, your brain and hormones are engaged in a dance of change that can leave even the most grounded woman feeling off‑kilter.

Why Perimenopause Can Feel Like an Emotional Rollercoaster

What science now shows is actually hopeful: your brain isn't falling apart — it's rewiring itself. As oestrogen and progesterone fluctuate, they influence important brain messengers like serotonin and dopamine — the ones that help keep your mood, motivation, and outlook steady. This phase, called perimenopause, is the bridge between who you've been and who your body is becoming.

When the World Feels Heavy

During this transition, emotions can hit harder than you expect. I commonly hear women say: "I used to be so patient, but now I snap at my kids over nothing and feel terrible afterward," or "I'm crying at TV commercials — just like when I was pregnant."

Some women describe something even more unsettling: a sudden rage that feels completely out of character — intense, overwhelming, and frightening in its power.

For some women, what starts as mood swings or anxiety can deepen into something more concerning — and the research is finally catching up to what many have experienced in silence.

New global research shows that women in the perimenopausal years are up to seven times more likely to experience suicidal thoughts compared with pre‑menopausal women. The risk is even higher for those who go through menopause earlier than average.[1][2][3]

If you've been here — feeling tearful for no reason, unmotivated, or even having thoughts that frighten you — please hear this: you are not failing. Your brain chemistry is struggling, and that deserves the same compassionate response as any other health challenge. These are not "weaknesses" or "failures" — they're biological warning lights asking for care, connection, and rest.

How Movement Helps You Heal

Here's something beautiful about this season — your body holds some of its own

medicine.

Movement — whether it's walking, yoga, or resistance training — is one of the most effective, natural ways to support your mood during perimenopause. When you move, even gently, your brain releases something called brain‑derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF).

Think of it as fertilizer for your brain.

BDNF:

• Strengthens brain cells

• Calms your stress circuits

• Helps neurons grow new branches of resilience

The magic? It happens with small steps: a walk after dinner, yoga in morning sun, or dancing in your living room. You're not just supporting your mood — you're literally helping your brain rebuild itself.[4][5][6]

5-Minute Mood-Lifting Movements

• Kitchen counter push-ups while the kettle boils

• Shoulder rolls and neck stretches at your desk

• Walking to your mailbox and back (twice)

• Dancing to one full song

• Gentle stretching before bed

The Healing Power of Moving Together

But here's where it gets even more powerful.

When you move with a friend, your brain releases oxytocin — the same hormone that fuels connection, safety, and calm. Oxytocin softens the stress response and deepens feelings of trust and belonging.[7][8][9][10]

Picture yourself walking side‑by‑side with a friend, laughing through a dance class, or pulling weeds together in a community garden. In that moment, you're not just exercising — you're creating hormonal harmony. You're reducing cortisol, boosting serotonin, and wiring your brain for joy and connection all at once.

When we walk beside another woman, we remind each other that this season isn't meant to be survived alone — it's meant to be shared.

Remember when you had babies and instinctively found other new mums? You needed those coffee dates, those honest conversations, that "me too" moment when someone else admitted they were struggling. This transition deserves the same support — perhaps even more so, because it's less talked about and often navigated in silence.

Shared movement becomes medicine for the soul — and it doesn't require a gym membership or special equipment. A regular walking date, a swimming buddy, or even a phone call while you both walk your own streets can create this beautiful chemistry.

Connection Rituals That Fit Real Life

• Weekly walking date with a friend (same time, same day)

• "Book club" that's really just talking and moving

• Community garden membership

• Joining a local Parkrun on Saturday mornings

• Inviting a neighbour for tea after a shared walk

Building Your Foundation

The latest research from the International Menopause Society reminds us of what many women already feel intuitively: lifestyle medicine — the way we eat, move, rest, relate, and care for ourselves — is the foundation of long‑term wellbeing.[11][12][13]

During perimenopause and beyond, well-being is built on:

• Nourishing, real food that keeps blood sugar (and mood) steady — think protein at breakfast, not just toast

• Movement that celebrates what your body can do today — not what it could do at 25

• Deep, restorative sleep (even when night sweats try to steal it)

• Meaningful relationships and shared laughter — texting counts, but face-to-face feeds your soul differently

• Minimising alcohol and caffeine — they might promise calm, but often steal it

Start Here:

• Swap your afternoon coffee for herbal tea for calmer evenings

• Take a 10-minute walk before scrolling social media

• Write one sentence of gratitude before bed

When You Need More Support

For some, Menopause Hormone Therapy (MHT) can be an important part of the puzzle. Sometimes, gentle antidepressant or menopause hormone therapy can help stabilise your mood while your body recalibrates. And that's perfectly okay — healing often involves both science and self‑care. There's no badge of honour in suffering through this alone when effective help is available.

You're Not Falling Apart — You're Reorganizing

Perimenopause can be messy and magical all at once. Your mind and body are learning new rhythms; your brain is adapting for the decades ahead. With movement, connection, and compassionate support, you can move through this transition with courage and calm — not just surviving but evolving.

Your brain isn't broken — it's rewiring for your next chapter.

When to Talk to Your GP: Red Flags

• Persistent low mood lasting more than two weeks

• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide

• Sleep disruption affecting daily function

• Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed

• Difficulty managing work or relationships

• Physical symptoms (heart palpitations, severe anxiety)

If your thoughts ever turn dark, or if you're simply unsure where to start -- please reach out. Asking for help isn't giving up; it's giving yourself a chance. In Aotearoa New Zealand, you can call or text 1737 anytime, or reach Healthline 0800 611 116 for 24‑hour mental health support. You are never alone in this.

Because you deserve to feel like yourself again — steady, strong, and fully alive.

If this article resonates, you might love our Midlife Momentum Circle — a small-group coaching program where women learn these same tools together. Explore upcoming circles on our Events page.

References:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

About the Author

Written by Gail Rothstein, MSN, RN – Founder of The Well Woman Connection

I'm a registered nurse and women's health coach dedicated to supporting women through midlife transitions with evidence-based guidance and deep compassion. Through The Well Woman Connection, I help women navigate perimenopause and menopause with clarity, confidence, and the tools to thrive — not just survive — this season of life.

If you found this helpful, share it with a friend who might need to hear it. And if you're looking for more support on your journey, explore my resources or reach out — I'm here for you.